First things first and a big welcome, this website is something I’ve taken time to cobble together to try and get my story of living with a T12 Spinal Cord Injury out there for posterity. My name is Oliver J. Eckersley born in Hyde in the south of Manchester in 1971. Grew up in a Rhuddlan in North Wales, moved to Sandbach in Cheshire, then Aston University in Birmingham before getting the Japan bug and I’ve lived here since graduation, bouncing around from Yokohama, Sasebo, Nagasaki, Chiba and now Tokyo for the last 10 years. All told, I’ve lived in Japan for more than half of my life. Done a lot of different jobs during that time too, from a spell as an English Teacher, to HR Manager, COO, CEO and was most recently working in Supply Chain Management for a UK Firm importing car parts for high-end, luxury vehicles.
It was at this time that I was lucky enough to meet my wife, Mieko in a bar in Ginza. Who I’ve always called Miko and which is coincidentally her childhood nickname given to her by her beloved Grandfather. We married a year later and bought a top-floor apartment overlooking the Meguro River in a fairly upscale part of town. So many dreams and plans for our future together. Everything was going so well, if only it could have lasted. Not that I’m unhappy now at all, the rules of the game have changed. No more corporate snakes-and-ladders, now the next challenge is just to be able to walk again. We’d played tennis the day before my world got turned upside down, when one cold November morning in 2013 during a visit to the bathroom my aorta tore and ruptured. Stupidly, I blamed the pain on a twinge suffered playing tennis and having tried to tough out the pain for 4 long days, I am very lucky to still be here in the land of the living.
Both in our early 40’s when we met, Miko is very much a career woman. Married to the job, she graduated from the same famous Tokyo University as her father, fluent in English and a prototypically Japanese Manager. Dedicated, responsible and always willing to put in the long hours in charge of a team of workers in the Logistics Department at the Japanese branch of one of the world’s most recognised kitchen accessory brands. Having to care for and worry about me, is just yet another demand on an already busy workload that is already brimming over and I hate being a burden and distracting further from what she really needs to be doing.
Sitting here in my wheelchair I am very aware that hindsight can be a very cruel way to judge a life, undoubtedly I’ve made mistakes in my life. Mistakes that have brought me here, paralysed in my late 40’s. Still I refuse to allow myself to be burdened by regret, I hold myself entirely responsible for all the choices I’ve ever made. Decisions weren’t made haphazardly, I made them with the best of intentions at the time and am certainly not seeking to distance myself from any one of them. Combined together they helped make me into the person I am today and I do not regret that. Even with my spinal cord injury, I am comfortable in my own shoes.
If I had my time again, I’m sure things would turn out the same. I have no regrets about walking a path less trodden. Trying different things, regardless of the skills I may or may not possess to try and fit myself into a useful role in the world that was waiting for me. Life has always been about doing what I loved, challenging myself to grow as a person, independent, self-reliant and productive.
I have always tried to set the bar high, to make my life goals challenging even after my injury. I am not prepared to settle for anything other than a life less ordinary. Even if I can’t reach the heights I am aiming for, I’ve been able to get far closer than others might ever have predicted for me. Even now, throwing out words like ‘I want to walk again’ has been nothing less than a positive. Throw it out there, thrive on the pressure it brings and reach higher than expected.
The only way to progress in life is by setting targets. Just be careful not to set the bar too high, incremental change is undoubtedly the most sustainable. There’s no magic cures, nor immediate change. Make steady progress towards the grander goal. Be aware that it’s not always going to go smoothly, the unknown is waiting patiently to trip up the unsuspecting. Forward progress can never be guaranteed, feeling stuck and frustrated I’ve always reminded myself that progress is unlikely ever to be in an constant, upwards direction. When you are in the midst of it all, progress is more like a set of stairs with long periods of horizontal movement interspersed with the occasional vertical jump upwards. Sometimes, you’ve got to be prepared to take a step backwards to create an opportunity to move two forwards. Enjoy the process, take the detours because your response to setbacks encountered is an opportunity to discover the real you, an opportunity to learn what you are capable of achieving.
You can never really know what is around the next corner, never forget that setbacks are inevitable. Better prepare yourself by moving forward with a plan that factors these setbacks into its own template to allow you stay in control when problems inevitably arise.
I can take no credit for anything I’ve been able to achieve. I am in no way special at all. I’m am fortunate that my injuries have allowed me to make progress. I’m also fortunate to have my wife, Miko, by my side. Her relentless positivity and constant, enduring support has allowed me to embrace life and work back from my injuries. My gratitude to her is complete, I have no words to adequately express myself. Knowing all she does for me each and every day makes me want to work hard too. To put all this behind us and live quietly into retirement together.
Of course, I never envisaged any of this happening. Before I got sick, the world was my oyster with success beckoning. Just as I’d always planned for when first moving to Japan. Now my youthful dreams look further away, the immediate goal is just to walk again and my perspective has changed. Maybe I’ll fulfil my old dreams, maybe I’ll develop ones, but that’ll have to wait until I’m back on my own two feet. Eyes on the prize and all that. Whatever happens, I haven’t changed deep inside and am still determined to be successful, to be the best me that I can possibly be. Regardless of any restrictions placed on me and my movement, nothing is going to stop me making a contribution to the world outside my window, to grow as a person and get my slice of happiness.
Over the last few years, living with my Spinal Cord Injury I’ve never stopped being happy, happy to still be here in the land of the living. Full of wide-eyed child-like happiness as I live my life in a world that is rapidly changing around me, able to things today that seemed absolutely impossible only a matter of weeks ago. I wake up every day excited to find out what lies in store for me. Happy for what I can do, not unhappy for what I can’t. My injury has given me a new perspective on life, grateful for what I can do and still have, not obsessing about things I’ve lost. To stay happy, I made a conscious decision to move away from negatives like bitterness and jealousy and accept only humility and gratitude into my heart. Of course, I don’t believe I’ve particularly changed inside even though the worries of the world seem rather frivolous when viewed from a wheelchair. Far removed from the rat-race, I can sit back and watch the world go by, to slowly go about re-ordering my own personal priorities. Letting go of the emotions of bitterness, anger and resentment was an easy decision to make yet very hard to implement. I had to learn how to focus on the positives and let go of all those self-destructive emotions. To try and grow into being the strongest version of myself I possibly could. Oliver 2.0, coming soon.
Living in Japan can be challenging. After 20 plus years in most other developed nations I might have been able to learn the language well enough to go undetected as a foreigner. No matter how long I live in Japan, I’m never going to be mistaken for a local. Being an obvious foreigner has taught me a lot about consideration and compassion. Thoughts and feelings that can only come through experience. It can be lonely when you stand out from the crowd, but those experiences will carry me onto the next phase. Standing firm, tackling problems head-on and taking responsibility for my actions has been a learning opportunity that has taught me a lot about personal strength and the challenges of being a human being.
Living as a Gaijin with Paralysis in Japan as the country lurches rapidly towards the 2020 Paralympics, was an unusual perspective that I felt needed to be shared. This is the story of the ongoing years as I busy myself living life in a body that can no longer do what it used to find so simple. My intention in writing all this down isn’t to create any Inspiration Porn, there’s nothing brave or inspiring about getting on with life as best as I’m able. There’s nothing amazing about me either, the bar doesn’t need to be lowered just because of an injury I’ve suffered. All I’m trying to do is give everything in my power to re-write my future by getting back on my own two feet through daily sessions of rehabilitation. More than anything this is a story about getting back to thriving and not only living.